A Brief Introduction to Mourning Jewellery

If you've lost a loved one, you may be taking part in a tradition that dates back to the Georgian era, and probably even earlier, without realising it. Mourning jewellery is worn to honour or remember a deceased loved one. So if, like me, you have a necklace that contains a loved one's ashes, or you carry their photo in a locket, you are wearing mourning jewellery.

I had the idea to write this post on the bus this morning. Today would have been my mum's 65th birthday, so I had planned a little bookshop crawl. I always wear her ashes on her birthday, and during the long bus journey, I started thinking about memento mori and mourning jewellery. Though I'm sitting here now, I feel like the full history of mourning jewellery deserves a bit more research than I have the mental energy for today. Instead, I thought I'd talk about my very own piece of mourning jewellery.

Did you know you can get necklaces that are miniature urns? When my mum was diagnosed with cancer back in 2021, we spent an afternoon looking at urns. It was important to both of us that she had a say in her urn. Ultimately, she chose a biodegradable option from the company that handled her cremation. During our research, though, we found out that you can get small, wearable urns. We picked this one out together. Being pagan, we both felt the Tree of Life design you see here was perfect for us, and the blue and purple glass mixed both of our favourite colours. We joked that my mum would be better travelled in death than in life, like Tutankhamun. Yes, comparing my mum to an Egyptian Pharaoh seems a bit silly, but she really liked the idea.

When we think of mourning jewellery, it is very easy to associate it with the macabre Victorians, but I think the desire to wear mourning jewellery touches on something much more human than just a fascination with death. I bet you know multiple people who have had their pets cremated and then placed the urn in their pet's favourite sleeping spot. My cat Flora is on my bedside table because she would sleep next to me on my pillow every night. I find comfort in her still being there in some way, and I imagine it's the same for other pet owners. So it's no stretch of the imagination to understand why a Victorian widow would keep a lock of her husband's hair in a pendant or ring. Keeping part of your loved one close, taking comfort in them still being there, keeping them as part of your life so maybe the loss doesn't feel as complete as if you had nothing. When someone dies, our relationship with them doesn't end; it changes. I can think of no better evidence for this than mourning jewellery.